Happy junkies make clean water

Wonderful to hear that the social services are rewarding junkies who provide them with a "clean" urine sample with the drug of their choice. Heroin addicts may be given methadone or antidepressants - or even diamorphine (prescription heroin)

I should like to see this arrangement extended. If I supply a sample of clean wee wee may I claim my free case of Chateau Margaux please?

And the scheme has even wider possibilities: why not reward successful slimmers with cheeseburgers and Black Forest gateau; smokers who've managed to quit with 200 packs of Capstan Full Strength; fill the swag sacks of unsuccessful burglars with pieces of household silver etc etc?